Friday, January 28, 2005

The hardest thing I have ever done

I’m going to bear my soul for a moment. I just finished “chatting” with my wife via instant messenger, and the pain of being apart from her is really starting to hit me.

This deployment is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

It’s not being here that is so hard. I have endured far worse conditions during my military career. It is being away from my family that makes this so tough. There is so much I miss that if I ponder it for to long it really starts to get to me.

I miss my oldest son, Alex and his incredible wit and sense of humor. I miss being amazed by his level of intelligence and maturity. I only wish that I had been as level-headed as he is when I was his age.

I miss my fourteen-year old daughter, Jessica, and the way she gives me a hug every single morning and puts her head on my chest…as if to remind me that no matter how big she gets she will always be my little girl.

I miss my thirteen-year old daughter, Jennifer who has a smile as big as the sun and laughter that is contagious. I miss the joy I feel when I see her taking the time to play with her little brothers for hours at a time. She has something special inside of her that she does not even realize.

I miss my five-year old son, Seth and his incredible grasp of the world around him at such a young age. I miss listening to him carefully enunciate every syllable as he speaks, and the mind-boggling statements he makes that are well beyond his years.

I miss my two-year old son, Luke and the way he runs to me with arms wide open when I walk through the door. I miss hearing him say to me, “lets wessle daddy”, and his incessant giggling as we “wessle”.

I miss my beautiful wife, Amy who is my best friend in the entire world. I miss looking into her beautiful eyes and holding her close to me. I miss the feeling I have when I am with her and the fact that I am still infatuated with her after fifteen years of marriage. I miss her laughter and her impenetrable optimism that keeps my suspicious pragmatism in check. I miss going to the grocery store with her just so I have an excuse to hang out with her. I miss feeling her next to me when I go to sleep at night.

I miss home.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

very powerful brother, hang in there, its a long road but in the end what you come home to will be worth it


6:55 AM  
Blogger Leslie G said...

Hi John! I called Amy this morning as we are getting together today with the kids and she told me to go read your blog. You brought tears to my eyes with your incredibly moving words about your precious family. I sent it on to Monte so that he could be inspired by you this morning while he is at work. We miss you, are praying for you and look forward to your safe return home. Until then, know that your family is being blessed tremendously!

8:22 AM  
Blogger Aunt Maidi said...

John -

I went on line very early this morning and read your comments about your family. I must say, I was moved to tears. I called Mama Sue at 7 her time (Saturday morning) to read it to her. You must know that we are surrounding you with prayers - that we are surrounding Amy and children with prayers - and that we have a heavenly Father who will be with us enfolding us in His care. You express yourself beautifully. God has given you a wonderful gift to write so well.

Oh a practical note - can you use any PC World magazines - none older than 6 months? I want to get a box of "goodies" together for you and wondered about the PC World magazines.

You have an army of family and friends praying for your safety. God bless.

Aunt Maidi

10:49 AM  
Blogger Julia said...

Hi John, Amy called me this morning still sniffling from reading this entry. It is so touching to know the depth of your love for your family, but then anyone who knows you already knew how much you loved them. But honestly, John, I have to say I'm very impressed with the fact that you're willing to subject yourself to the grocery store just to hang out with her!! That's love. You're an amazing man, John, & I'm very grateful for your willingness to make this sacrifice! Thank you. And just know that while you're away, there are many of us who are committed to making sure your family is well taken care of in your absence.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


John, oh to be able to transmit my heart felt feelings via "blog message" Hoping you will pick up on them when I say "that ride down the Elwin blacktop that one night made me realize without a doubt God's will and the priceless jewel He was going to add to our
quiver." We are inspired every time we come to your blog. We are humbled at the void you must feel as we enjoy the protection of our borders and comfort of so much taken for granted. We are indebted to you and your men for the sacrifice of more than we can even comprehend. You are out of sight but constantly on our minds and always lifted in constant prayer. Love, Ps.91

12:20 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Oh my darling husband, you have truly shared from your heart. I miss you dearly and know this year will make us both stronger and better people. I think it is so great you are apart of making history and helping people live with freedom. I pray for you constantly and know this year will soon be just another chapter in our wonderful book of life together. I LOVE YOU.

5:43 PM  
Blogger 247 Madison said...

Good Luck during your deployment. It should be heartening to see the election come off in such
a relatively positive manner. Perhaps our election
turnout in US will be greater after witnessing how the Iraqi people responded, with the able guardianship of soldiers such as yourself.
May you remain healthy until you are re-united with those you love.

9:22 PM  
Blogger David Kam said...

Dear Upperman.

Tough times NEVER last
but TOUGH people like you with a BIG heart last!
We will pray for your and your company's safety during your tour in IRAQ!
Your blogs really touches my heart!
David Kam
17th Feb 2005

8:31 AM  

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